Honest Communication

When resentment occurs one way to handle it is with “Honest Communication”. Often we just blow up when we are not used to expressing our anger or have allowed it to be bottled up over a period of time. When we allow this to happen our communication does not come out responsibly and can cause even further resentment and breakdown. “Honest Communication” that is non responsible may be manifested in several ways that can be destructive to building a better relationship. Here are some ways that many of us communicate honestly, but non responsibly….

1. Blaming the other person for how you feel
2. Embarrassing someone in order to get revenge.
3. Leaving the receiving person or team with negativity they can do nothing about.

For example, imagine a garden hose that has been coiled up all winter. Then when the weather warms up, you’re outside and thirsty and go to get a drink from the hose. The residue of water from the hose comes out and…. UGH, it’s foul tasting!

Sometimes we can be like the dormant hose.  If you don’t think through these negative feelings, words may come out like foul water from a dormant hose.

If you are the one learning to communicate open and honestly, try rehearsing your communication in front of someone you trust. Tell them what you are doing and request that they listen for “laying blame to the accused” versus “I am responsible for the way I interpret your actions”.

Responsible communication always begins with the word “I”. The feelings you express are yours, so you must own them. How does that sound? One example that works is to say: “I felt this way when you did …

Actually say that you are not blaming the other person. Express the reason you are communicating openly and honest because you desire a better relationship with this person.

conquering ignorance

Sometimes when you see all the amazing stuff people can do on the internet, my brain goes into a hurricane whirlwind spin.  I was attempting to have a simple “chat” to my son who lives in Japan with my 2 beautiful grandchildren and his stunning Japanese wife. They told me to use my computer instead of the phone  because when you use msm or skype I think it is called – it is “free”.  Well this sounded good, so I was on what they said was msm. My son said just plug in the webcam so we can see you.  Well I tried to do that and after many instructions in print because we can’t hear each other, I finally got a camera connected and we could see each other but still couldn’t talk to each other. I thought the simple solution was to pick up the phone and talk and then use the internet to “see” each other. But “no” mum you can do this.  I watch them create stuff by a simple (they say) click and then I try to do it and the whole thing jams up my computer and I loose skype, msm, internet, camera contact, emails and my nerve!  Where are the simple instructions in plain English for a Nana who just wants to see her grandkids grow and talk to them in a country that is so far away?  Well finally after clicking a button with ctrl then finding another with alt then delete it comes up and says do you want to send a report?  Now I ask you… What report am I going to send? I couldnt even talk to the kids to give you a report on how they are. I did see them jumping up and down in total excitement that Nana had finally connected. Now you ask me in all sincerity what I think of all this technology and I tell you  – I remember when the phone on the farm had a handle on it and you turned it around the same number of times to make it ring for the the number of the person you were ringing.  Sometimes you even got a real live person to connect the number. It was called a chat room!  All the neighbours could pick up the phone and listen in on your chat.  We couldn’t see each other, but we heard each other breathing.  Now that was technology!